Many girls grow up dreaming of their fantasy wedding. How many brides-to-be (or their grooms) give equal time to imagining the marriage that follows? This is the expert advice on how to build a happy and lasting marriage, because remember that a wedding is only a day, but a marriage is forever.
There are two good reasons to put as much thought into building the perfect marriage as you do into planning the perfect wedding. First of all, it can help keep things in perspective; naturally you want a beautiful wedding, but in the thrill of shopping for flowers, gowns, and jewelry, the point behind the big ceremony can easily be forgotten. So what if your friend chose the same wedding jewelry or type of flowers as you did? You will still be just as married at the end of the ceremony.
The other really good reason to give sufficient weight to the marriage part of the deal is that the wedding will soon come and go, but you will have a lifetime of being married. You want it to be a happy time, at least as much as possible. This brings us to the first tip for a successful marriage: be realistic in your expectations. Not everything will be peaches and cream all of the time, which is exactly why "for worse" and "for poorer" are included in the marriage vows. The "for better" and "for richer" parts are easy; it is when times get tough that a relationship is tested, which is why it is important to realize that not every day with your spouse will be a great one, though hopefully most will. Realistic expectations are much easier to live with than an impossible fantasy.
The next key to a happy marriage is honesty and communication. Not brutal, hurtful honesty (husbands, if your wife says she feels fat, the right answer is never, "well, you have put on a few pounds"), but the sort of openness that creates a solid foundation for a life together. Naturally it is harder to be upfront about life's disappointments, but honesty will allow you to work through issues together as a team. It is that partnership that builds an enduring and strong marriage.
There is an old saying that opposites attract, but actually living with your opposite is another matter entirely. This brings us to the next step for a healthy marriage which is to find common interests to share. He may not enjoy shoe shopping and you may not care for fly fishing, but maybe you can come together on cooking or classic movies. It is perfectly fine for each spouse to have their own pursuits and their own friends, as long as the shared interests get equal attention.
Another old adage is "never go to bed angry". This may not be realistic, but there is a good basis for the advice. Issues are best handled when they are fresh, rather than leaving them to fester and grow. Even if you are not completely ready to kiss and makeup before going to sleep, at least make an effort to clear the air. This will help to keep the proverbial molehill from becoming a mountain.
With these tips in mind, you will be able to go into marriage with open eyes and a joyous heart. A little effort can yield lifelong dividends in the form of a happy marriage. One day, you will look back on your wedding not as the single best day of your life, but as the first of many wonderful days spent together.
