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Wedding Invitation Etiquette

As you begin planning your wedding and the expenses begin to add up, you might begin to wonder who is going to pay for what. There is no need to worry. Unless you and your husband to be want to pay for the entire wedding yourselves, there is wedding etiquette that dictates how financial responsibility should be divided between the couple and their families.

Typically, the bride’s family pays for the wedding ceremony according to wedding etiquette. This responsibility includes items for the wedding and activities that occur during the wedding ceremony. The bride’s gown, the reception flowers, announcements, pictures, invitations, favors, limousine service and the fees for the venue will all be the responsibility of the parents. The parents need to cover the expenses they will have as far as clothing, lodging and travel if necessary.

Wedding etiquette leaves the groom’s family to pay for other things. The groom’s family is usually responsible for paying for the rehearsal dinner. They would pay for the rehearsal dinner invitations, flowers, entertainment, the fees for use of the venue and a wedding gift for the bride and groom. As far as the reception, the groom’s parent’s only pay for the groom’s cake.

The bride and groom pay for some things as well. The bride pays for her groom’s wedding ring if he will be wearing one. The majority of the time, she will choose a wedding band that matches the wedding set that she has. She should also buy gifts for the attendants. The bride pays if she gets her hair professionally done along with any beauty and skin treatments. If the bride’s attendants are traveling from far away that need assistance paying for their lodging, it is proper that she help with the expense. However, the attendant is still responsible for paying their own traveling expenses. If the bride is going to have a luncheon for her bridesmaids, she should pay for it.

The groom is responsible for paying for the wedding set of his bride and a gift. The groom also typically pays for the honeymoon and the marriage license if you are using proper wedding etiquette. The groom may also pay for such things like the boutonnieres for his attendants, the bouquet for his bride, gifts, and corsages for mothers and grandmothers. He will also pay for the one who will be performing the ceremony and his own clothing.

The attendants are responsible for their own clothes for the wedding as well as their own travel expenses. Bridesmaids should buy a present for the bride and they may want to host a bridal shower or bachelorette party. The male attendants should buy a present for the groom and pay for the bachelor party.

Even with these etiquette rules, the world is always changing and there are a lot of times that these roles change depending on the needs of the individual people and couple. A couple may want to pay for their own wedding. The couple may want to ask their families to pay one third of the wedding expenses. This way no etiquette rules are broken. It should be noted that the parents will be entitled to invite one third of the guests if they are paying for one third of the wedding.

However expenses are divided, your wedding budget should be realistic and reasonable so that the marriage can start off without a lot of debt. If you desire a big and elaborate wedding that you realistically cannot afford, you should try to find cheaper solutions that will make your wedding still turn out nice. Do not expect parents of the bride and groom to spend a lot of money if they cannot afford it. Follow the etiquette that is best suited for who can pay for what expenses for your wedding.

Frequently Asked Questions

  1. QUESTION:
    What should be good wedding invitation etiquette?
    Hi yahoo answers what is needed for good wedding invitation etiquette...Please help me out..

    • ANSWER:
      Manners are universally significant and etiquette dictates one’s behavior wherever you go wedding is no exception to the adoption of rules and regulations and manners as in life. Wedding invitation etiquette is very much in place and guests should not be insulted by overlooking the traditional etiquette. You should also avoid public embarrassment to yourself. ...There are certain rules of etiquette that are observed when writing an invitation. For less formal situations you can be more creative...Follow all the rules to be a good wedding invitation etiquette...

  2. QUESTION:
    I need some advice about wedding invitation etiquette?
    I have a lot of friends and family members spread across the country that I would love to have attend my wedding if they lived closer or would be in the area during that time. However I don't expect any of them to be able to come, mostly due to monetary reasons.

    Should I send them invitations or should I send wedding announcements after the wedding with pictures? I don't want to put them in the position of telling me my wedding is not important enough for them to travel half way across the country for, but at the same time I don't want to assume they can't come.

    What should I do? I want to do it with the best "wedding etiquette" possible.

    • ANSWER:
      Contact them sending a personal letter along with the invitation saying that you'd love to see them however if they are unable to attend you will understand and send pictures afterwards.

  3. QUESTION:
    What is Proper Wedding Invitation Etiquette for Divorced Parents?
    My fiance's parents are divorced and his father is remarried. His mother is not remarried but never changed her married name back to her maiden name. How would I word this invitation other than "Together with their Parents" which I feel is too informal.

    • ANSWER:
      You eliminate the idea of designating a host entirely. In modern times, we rarely have the "traditional" wedding in which the brides parents bore all expenses and hosted everything from their home, so the old form in which the bride's parents issued invitations is obsolete. Since it would be gauche for you invitation to reveal private information, like who paid for what, one of the most tasteful ways to issue your invitations is in the passive voice.

      The pleasure of the company of
      [invite each guest by name, even nursing infants]
      is requested at a dinner dance
      to celebrate the marriage of
      Bonnie Bridella, daughter of
      Joyce Bridella Newman and James Newman, and
      Thomas Bridella, to
      Gregory Groomly, son of
      Victoria Groomly and
      Robert Morris,
      at Two O'Clock etc etc etc

      Bonnie's parents, Joyce and Tom, divorced when Bonnie was a child and Joyce married James. James has been a parent to Bonnie, and James' own parents are Bonnie's "poppi and nana." So Bonnie has 3 parents mentioned in the invitation. If Joyce and James had married when Bonnie was in her teens, James probably would not be mentioned. Gregory's parents, Victoria and Robert, are not currently a couple and so their names are not written on the same line. If two people ARE currently a couple but their names are too long to handily write on one line, it's OK to use two lines. Just don't use a single line for two names unless those two people are currently a couple.

      The reason you include parents' names is so that people receiving the invitations will know who is getting married, as in "Do we know any Greg Groomly? Oh, that's Bobby's son, you know, little Jeeter."

  4. QUESTION:
    What is good wedding invitation etiquette?
    My mother in law is planning a ceremony for my husband and I to get married in front of our friends and family members, we already had a small ceremony between us and GOD. She is planning a backyard event, and we are going to invite 70-80 people, we know that only half can show up. I need assistance in creating the best most inexpensive of invitations to this event.Any Ideas are welcome.Since my husband and I are already married, and have been living together for 2years, I don't know how beneficial it would be to us to register at a bridal registery. My mother in law says to politely ask for money only, somehow in the invitations, is that rude?We are very low income, so we are trying to do this on a very low budget.

    • ANSWER:
      I agree with using an invitation kit from a mass-store. I've linked to a very simple folding one that works out to around a dollar an invitation with postage (not counting shipping, tax, or return postage.)

      There's also willow tree lane where you can order value packages of 100 invites, response cards, inner envelope, response envelope, and tissue starting at under 5. There is even at least one that's under 0. Outer envelopes are under - an extra charge, but it's a good price to have your invitations professionally done (not that much more than the Target ones!!).

      No, you should not make *any* reference to a gift anywhere in the invitations - especially a cash gift. If people call to ask your grandmother where you are registered, she can tell them that you prefer a cash gift to 'help with XXX' (like the purchase of your new home, to pay for the honeymoon, to finance a new car, etc.). It also can't hurt to register somewhere. Try a local branch of a May Company Store (Filene's, Meier & Frank, Foley's, Robinson May) and this way if you can't use the gifts, you can exchange them for a gift card and buy clothes or something.

      Congratulations on your marriage and good luck!

      edited to add: I don't know why the Target link won't show up, but it's on the target.com website. Search for 'wedding invitations'.

  5. QUESTION:
    I need wedding invitation etiquette help?
    It's time to order my wedding invitations. My fiance' (groom) and myself (bride) will be hosting or "paying" for the wedding along with a tiny bit of financial help from my parents only. How do I word the invitations?

    I've found examples of how to phrase the invites when both parents are helping and when it's just us paying but not when it's us and just my parents.

    Thanks!

    • ANSWER:
      You still use the parents' names, doesn't matter who is paying.
      Just go with traditional wording -

      Lisa Marie,
      daughter of Mark and Helen Green,
      and
      William Henry,
      son of George and Linda Brown,
      request the honour of your presence....

  6. QUESTION:
    How do I use my childrens name on my wedding invitation using proper etiquette ?
    I would like to replace my parents names with my childrens names, In announcing my wedding in the invitation...How do I do that using proper etiquette?

    • ANSWER:
      I own several etiquette books and NONE of them have any samples or examples of someone's children inviting you to a wedding, and that's because children do not HOST (plan, organize, and pay for) a wedding.

      Apparently, you do not understand why the Bride's parents' names are on on the invitation, their names are there because they are the HOST AND HOSTESS of the event.

      You can do anything you want, but if you wish to do this properly then you should NOT put your children's names on the invitation because they are NOT the host or hostess of the event.

      Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

  7. QUESTION:
    What is proper wedding invitation etiquette? I am a maid of honor but my boyfriend of two years is not invited
    I am my youngest aunt's maid of honor. We are fairly close, more so than the other family members. She has just emailed me indicating that my boyfriend of two years, whom I also live with, is not invited due to "wedding invitation restrictions." The location at which she has reserved her wedding is limited to about 120 people. She, via email, said she's very depressed about it and would understand if I backed out, granted with fair time warning.

    I less want to go to the wedding, but also want to as it is a great honor. At the same time, I would rather have my boyfriend there. There is no reason other than that that he is not invited, he has been to family dinners and they (from what impression I can gather) like him.

    Any advice?? How do I tell my boyfriend??
    From the email, she seemed really down about it, and also indicated that it MIGHT be possible to add him provided that one of my grandparents' guests did not come. My grandparents probably invited some people my aunt didn't want to--but they are stodgy old Vietnamese people. :)
    Thank you!!! I hadn't realized that he would be sitting at a different table as well. He probably won't be able to come anyway since he may work nights and will be unable to take vacation time.

    Thanks all again! ~I really like this new feature of Yahoo's. :) Happy holidays.

    • ANSWER:
      Any wedding guest over the age of 18 and in a relationship should have thier significant other included. It's very poor taste to not do so, especially since you are IN the wedding AND live together! This may be the man you one day marry, but even if you don't, it's still majorly tacky to exclude him. Not to push the issue with your aunt, but she needs to let you know if he is or is not on the list ASAP. One, because her answer may affect your decision to participate in the wedding, and two, she needs to know if she is going to replace you as a bridemaid or if she is going to be a gracious bride and invite him. By the way, I had a similar situation happen to me. I wasn't in the wedding, but had been dating my bf for 4 years at the time. He had met most of the family, and still wasn't invited. It wasn't like I was a teenage either, I was 26 at the time. Anyway, we are getting married in July, and he still feels bad that he wasn't included in the family. What can I say? Some people are born in barns and have no manners. Hope it all works out for you!

  8. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Etiquette?
    I am getting married in a few months, but I'm not having a bridal shower. I've always known it to be tacky to send the wedding registry with the invitations, is it still bad etiquette to send it even if it's not on the invitation itself and on a separate card? Otherwise if this is not acceptable, then what's the proper way of letting my guests know where I'm registered at? I can't do word of mouth because the wedding guests are from all different places. Thank you!

    • ANSWER:
      What about a wedding website? You can include something in your invitations that say something like "for more information on our wedding, go to our wedding website" and include the link. There are tons of FREE wedding website makers online. Now if your family isn't very tech savvy, this might not work.

  9. QUESTION:
    wedding invitation etiquette?
    when the mother of the bride is divorced and not remarried and the brides father is not in the picture period!... and the bride has chosen her brother to give her away how is that worded on the wedding invitation? In other words the brides mother and brother are giving her away. What is proper wedding invitation etiquette?

    • ANSWER:
      Whoever gives the bride away has absolutely no bearing on the names on the invitation. If you are adament that your father's name will not appear, simply put:

      Mrs. Mom's Name
      requests the honor of your company
      at the marriage of her daughter
      Your Name
      to Groom's Name
      son of Mr. and Mrs. Groom's parents

      Your brother's name does not go anywhere.

  10. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Etiquette, and Proper word usage?
    My fiance and I have been living on our own, and already have everything we need, or could imagine we would need, as far as wedding gifts go by. We would like to ask our guests if they chose to give a gift, that a gift of money is preferred.
    I don't want to offend anyone (my family is not as easily offended as his) however it will give us a chance to go on a really nice honeymoon before he gets deployed.
    Any thoughts on how to say this nicely on an invitation?

    • ANSWER:
      If you would like to give a gift please consider a cash contribution towards our honeymoon.

      This is awkward, but should not offend anyone!
      Have a lovely wedding!

  11. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Etiquette- How do you address the couple if the man is a dentist and the woman is a doctor?

    By etiquette, medical doctors are addressed as doctor and those with Phd are addressed as Dr. Does that mean, dentists are addressed as Dentists?

    • ANSWER:

  12. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette?
    We are paying per person for our reception. Is it rude to ask ppl if they are planning to come just for the ceremony or both the ceremony and reception? Also how do we word that on out invitations and how can we say that once we have a final number we cant let any guest in that didnt rsvp and not sound rude?

    • ANSWER:
      On the RSVP card (that is usually with the invite) put empty boxes next to the choices:
      Will be attending the ceremony only
      and
      Will be attending both the ceremony and reception

      also at the bottom of your invite put a reminder saying, "remember if you don't RSVP you will not be included in the final count". That way people will know that if they don't RSVP they can except that you won't be paying for them.

  13. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Etiquette regarding breakup?
    I sent out "Save the Date" cards in October, and one couple broke up since then. My invitations will be going out soon, do I have to invite both the guy and the girl of the broken up couple? The girl is nice, the guy's kind of a jerk. We're not really close to either of them, but they were both present when my boyfriend asked me to marry him, so we feel obligated to invite them.

    • ANSWER:
      This is an amazing question. Really it doesn't matter though. It is their issue to deal with, not yours, because it is your wedding, not theirs. The best thing you can do if you want to avoid confrontation is send it only to the girl, but make sure she knows she can bring a plus one if she wants, or that you will sit her next to someone if she has no one to bring. Better than inviting both and having them both bring a +1. That would cause loads of trouble.

      But again, it's your wedding. It's not of your concern what their relationship is like, and you do not have to invite anyone you do not want to come. Good luck, and congratulations.

  14. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation Etiquette for PhD's?
    My fiance has a PhD. When we send our wedding invitations, what is the proper etiquette for addressing his name? Doctor followed by his name? His name followed by PhD? or is it improper to include his title on the invitation?

    • ANSWER:
      The correct form for the MEDICAL field is:

      Miss Jane Jones and Dr. Bradley Johnson
      request the honor of your presence....

      What kind of wedding band would match my engagement ring?
      I have a heart shape white gold engagement ring. I recently bought an enhancer to add more diamonds to it. Now, I'm kind of confused as to what kind of band would go with it. I'm thinking I should stick to a simple wedding band with no diamonds considering my engagement ring enhancer already has a lot? Or wear the heart shape ring by itself without the enhancer, and get a band with diamonds? Suggestions pleaseCouldn't you just use the enhancer as the wedding band?...
      Continue...

      When announced as man and wife, the correct verbal announcement is:

      Doctor and Mrs. Johnson.

      It is not improper to include his title on the invitation if he is in the medical field. ***Non-medical PhD's are only noted for business correspondence, not on a wedding invitation because it is pretentious.

      Good luck

  15. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette regaring academic title?
    Hi Guys just wanted to know your opinion. I

    Is it common (or necessary) to include academic title such as MBA, Prof, PHD, MA, etc of parents in wedding invitation?

    Or should all just be plain Mr. and Mrs. without any academic title?

    Any reply will be appreciated. :D

    • ANSWER:
      No- MBA, PhD etc. should only be put on official documents. It's not necessary for a wedding invitation.

      Some people may like to be called Dr. ______ but I don't think most people would care. If you're worried, ask them what they prefer to be called before you send the invites. I wouldn't add the letters (e.g. MBA, PhD, MA, etc.) after their names though. I have a doctorate and wouldn't care if someone referred to be as Dr. ____ but I def would find it weird if someone acknowledged my qualifications on a wedding invitation.

  16. QUESTION:
    A managers's Wedding invitation etiquette?
    A manager has 12 subordinates and is about to get a wedding party. What is the wedding invitation etiquette ? Does he have to follow "invite them all or none" etiquette ? or Does he have the right to choose which one of those 12 he would like to invite? - which may mean (or can be read as ) favoritism. The ones invited will feel "above" the ones not invited and the ones not invited will feel "rejected", "below", "outcast" etc

    I personally think that he must follow invite them all or none. What do you think?

    btw, the manager invited ALL the 11 subordinates (1 is a woman and was not invited - which is correct) to his bachelor party.
    Pls note : the question is who should the manager(he) invite to the WEDDING ? some, all, or none?

    • ANSWER:
      I disagree. There are just some coworkers you are close to and some you don't care for. Personally if I'd been working someplace for just a month or so and was invited to a wedding, I'd feel awkward. It's like you are obligated to bring a gift or it will affect your working relationship, then again you don't know the person you are bringing a gift to well enough to get them anything!

      Personally what I really find wrong is the fact that all 11 are men..so its just the one girl that was left out. If he was truly worried about favoritism or someone feeling like an outcast, he wouldn't make it so that only one person IS the outcast. You invite your friends to a bachelor party not everyone you work with. Thats just tacky to exclude only one person at your work b/c she is a woman. I mean you wouldn't feel it was correct if he had a party at his house and invited everyone but Bob?

      However since he already invited everyone to the bachelor party yes he has to invite them all to the wedding. It's even worse to invite people to showers or bachelor parties and not the wedding. Yes you are good enough to buy me gifts, but not good enough to actually come and eat my food.

      A wedding is not a networking opportunity. You are either close friends with someone or you aren't. You don't invite everyone just to get gifts out of them. They might not know you that well. I think its in poor taste to make someone feel if they don't get you a gift for your wedding that their job will suffer. If its a party and you are inviting nearly all, you should invite all. But a wedding is suppose to be personal. Work is suppose to be equal. I know I worked at a place that always did the for people's birthdays and it made me mad b/c managers made more money so why should I give them money and other coworkers--these people never lasted a year, so I'm shelling out 0 and by the time my birthday rolls around its just . Weddings get to be the same way. You get sick of people making you feel obligated to get them a gift for each kids birthday, graduation, wedding.

  17. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette and timing?
    One of my distant friends is getting married this weekend; while this person invited everyone else in our circle of mutual friends weeks ago, he did not invite me.

    When we spoke today, I jokingly asked, "So, where's my invitation?" expecting that, perhaps, there was not enough room, etc. He said, "Oh, you'll be getting one."

    However, he told me on Tuesday night that I would be getting an invitation (I haven't actually received it yet) - and the wedding is on Friday evening! I might not see the physical invitation until Wednesday or Thursday, and until then, I won't know the time nor place! I won't have any time to get a wedding gift, let alone find something to wear.

    Even if I do not attend, am I still expected to get a gift, seeing as that I'm on such short notice?

    • ANSWER:
      If you do not receive an invitation, you are not invited.

      Your friend is being rude by leading you on, and because it is rude to not send all the invitations at once. (It was also not polite of you to "fish for" an invitation-- but what he did is much worse.)

      You may gift, or not, as you desire. Wedding gifts are never mandatory. If you do choose to gift, you NEVER take the gift with you to the wedding-- you send it to their home.

      I, personally, would no longer want to be friends with someone who treated me so poorly-- let alone sending them gifts to reward them for their horrid behavior!

  18. QUESTION:
    Please help with wedding invitation etiquette.?
    I am a teacher and work with many great people. This is my first year at this school and although I greet many people down the hall, there are many people I don't know very well. My hall is giving me a bridal shower for the faculty to attend as well. My question is, should everyone I work with recieve invitations. This would be an extra 70 invitations. I have recieved mixed advice from family and friends. These are my choices:

    1. Send every faculty member an invitation.

    2. Place one invitation in the faculty lounge to show everyone is invited, but later mail invitations to members of the faculty I am closest to.

    Please vote for the choice that sounds best, or feel free to give other options. Thanks for your help.

    • ANSWER:
      #1

  19. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette question? About reception?
    My fiance and I will be paying for our wedding on a tiny budget. It will be held in his Aunt's backyard (on a beach), because we cannot afford a venue. For our reception we would like to only have cake, punch, & nuts...no dancing, no real food. How do I let my guests know on the invitation (or otherwise) that it will be a "no big deal" wedding without looking cheap? I really need some help with this...

    Also, any suggestions on mentioning both sets of parents on the invite as well as our son?

    I really appriciate any advice! Thanks in advance!

    • ANSWER:
      "Dessert reception" is what you should call it.

      Try www.verseit.com for alot of different verse ideas, they are the best.

  20. QUESTION:
    Groom's parents both doctors - Wedding Invitation Etiquette?
    What is the proper wedding announcement etiquette when both of the groom's parents are doctors. The bride's parents are hosting the event. Here are some examples, but I need some help....

    Mr. and Mrs. John and Sue Peters
    are pleased to announce .....
    son of Drs. Gary and Lynn Elliot

    OR

    John and Sue Peters
    are pleased to announce ...
    son of Drs. Gary and Lynn Elliot

    OR

    Mr. and Mrs. John Peters
    are pleased to announce....
    son of Drs. Gary Elliot

    Any idea which way or any other suggestions???

    • ANSWER:
      first one - if you're doing the Dr title, then the MR & Mrs title is used. if you are not doing a Mr & mrs then no Drs.
      now technically here's the thing..... if you are fully hosting - very often the groom's name is there alone. however if the kids are still "kids" then both the parents names are mentioned.

  21. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Proper Etiquette Web Address On Card?
    So my fiance and I are going back and forth on this subject. Our invitation is of a formal type and when you turn the card over, the map is on the back. Well under the map, I want to put www.wedding addy.com but she says no. It's on the back and under the map and it's basically a window into our life, we've been tracking everything since we got engaged. I think it's totally acceptable, but she says its tacky, Any opinions?

    • ANSWER:
      it's tacky........just send an email with the address of your site to people you think may want to see it.........tracking everything since you got engaged is probably way more interesting to you than any of your wedding guests.....

  22. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette. How do I make it clear on my invitation that there is no +1?
    I go to a church where we have small group studies that 20-40 people attend (this is in a church of about 5000+ members). Now, generally the weddings at my church are practically open invitation, which I will certainly not have that. Well, in my small group, I am only going to invite like a little over half of the people. If i start inviting everyone, my wedding will be 300 plus people. I have been in so many small groups so I want to invite a lot of old friends and not just anyone because I've known them a few months in my new small group. I want to stop at 150. How do I tell people that they aren't invited? Also, how do I word the invitation to let them know that only the people / person on the invitation is invited and they don't have a 'plus 1' or 'plus guest' option???? Because there are going to be people that will assume their invited and just come. I need to let them know they're not. I'm on a budget and the space I'm getting married in is too small. Also, this is a pre ordered plate dinner wedding.

    • ANSWER:
      Pre-fill the RSVP card for them like this:

      Name: Miss Mary Smith

      __ of __1__ accepts

      That way its perfectly clear that only 1 person - Mary Smith - is invited.

      Just be aware that etiquette says that if a person is married, engaged, or living with someone that they are supposed to be invited along with their spouse, fiance, or live-in. To invite a single unattached person solo is fine, but to invite a married or engaged person solo is a no-no.

  23. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette - can a monogram be included?
    My friend is getting married and would like to include her first name initial, her fiance's first name initial, and his last name initial on their wedding invitation. She would like the last name initial to be dominant, with their first name initials smaller on either side, or something like that. Anyway, her best friend and maid of honor says that it is not politically correct to include his last name initial on the invitation since they are technically not married at the time the invitation is sent out, and my friend will not have taken his name yet. Does anyone know the correct way to go about this? Is the maid of honor right? Thanks.

    • ANSWER:
      Monograms have nothing to do with "political correctness" so your bridesmaid/MOH friend is full of it.

      The monogram you've describes is actually a very popular style for wedding invitations, and it is widely accepted that once you send out the wedding invitations it is "correct" to use the "future" initial/monogram of the couple. I have seen tons of wedding invitations featuring the monogram using the groom's last name. They are both lovely and timeless.

      Tell the bride to do what she pleases, the invites sound lovely, and the MOH needs to cool it.

      Cheers!

  24. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette--separated couples?
    We recently found out that my fiance's cousin has separated from his wife. Originally, we were going to address the invitations as "Mr. & Mrs. John Smith." Now that they're separated, do we still invite both of them? (They live on the other side of the country, so we're not close with either of them--this is pure etiquette). If we invite both of them, do we invite "Mr. & Mrs. Smith", or do we send separate invitations to each of their new residences?

    • ANSWER:
      Definitely send them separate invitations. You might want to ask relatives if the soon-to-be ex-wife has gone back to using her maiden name and in that case you should address her with that. I agree that since you aren't that close to them you might just want to invite the cousin, but it's up to you.

  25. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette regarding "no gift box" request?
    My fiance and I are getting married in his country. Pretty much straight after the wedding, we plan to move back to the country we live in. We both know that any gifts his relatives might give us will be difficult to be carried back to our country. We're thinking of writing "no gift box" on our invitation card that encourage people to give money instead of gifts cos it will mean much more to us then. The thing is that we really dont know how to write it in a polite way and to write it in the way that people would understand and not getting offended by it. Please help!!! Any advices is appreciated! THANKS

    • ANSWER:
      If you're going to write "No boxed gifts" ("no gift box" doesn't make sense), then you might as well just sell tickets to the wedding instead. You never directly tell a guest what to give you as a gift. The gift is of their choosing.

      Unless you're inviting a whole bunch of people to your wedding that neither you nor your fiance know, then people already understand your issue of transporting bulky objects, and will likely give you money in one form or another (cash, checks, gift cards). Leave it at that.

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  26. QUESTION:
    Question about wedding invitation etiquette...?
    I am NOT getting married anytime soon, but I'm curious about something. I'm around a lot of people currently planning their wedding, and one of the things they seem to be unsure or not is who to invite from family...

    I was wondering what people do when one side of the family is huge (for example, I have 14 aunt-uncles, all married, all have children so I have about 50 cousins that's not including their spouses and their children... that's only on my dad's side) but on my mom's side, there is only 1 uncle, his wife, 3 children (and their children).

    What I'm wondering is, can you invite just aunts-uncles from one side, but invite cousins from another? Or is it considered bad?

    My brother, as well as my current brother-in-law, are planning their weddings, and they seem to be stuck on who to invite, since they can't afford to invite ALL cousins from each side... (my bf's family is pretty big too, heh).

    so, any thoughts? Bad etiquette to invite the would-say only 3 cousins from side, but no cousin from other side?
    Hrmmm. Not my wedding. This is a hypothetical question, as well as trying to get some insight to help two family members who are banging their heads against the wall trying to plan their wedding.
    All the family lives near them... And we see them all the time! lol.. dilemma... Their venue is free, so at least they don't have that cost... and we're looking into helping out (I'd pay for the cake, my parents would pay for the booze, etc), to allow for more guests.. but it's complicated with such a huge family! It's not a question of "balance" in the church, mostly just costs (and number of people in the venue!!!). Inviting cousins from my father's family would mean about 150 more guests if they bring some children! (And they won't do a no-kids policy, all family events allow kids, and we will have our own kids there so...)

    • ANSWER:
      I've judged it on how often I see them. I have several cousins who I see at pretty much every birthday, xmas, easter so they're all invited. But some cousins live interstate and I only see them once every couple of years, so they won't be invited. I can't help if they get offended. the budget can only stretch so far.

  27. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation envelope etiquette?
    I have been told that printing envelopes is a big no-no - that every envelope should be handwritten. Is this still the rule?

    • ANSWER:
      Back in the day, all envelopes were hand written and invitations were engraved at the printers.

      Now a days, everyone has a computer and printers are so advanced and computer printing programs are at your fingertips that people are designing and printing their own invitations along with the addressed envelopes.

      I am a calligrapher and so of course, I would rather hand print each invitation. But when I get a printer printed invitation I get absolutely no negative feelings about it what so ever.

      I think your loved ones will be happy to be invited to your wedding and how the envelope is addressed will not make one bit of difference to them.

  28. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Etiquette??? PLZ HELP w/a phrase!?
    My finace and I have been living with each other for over 3years now and basically have everything we need and more. We literally don't have anymore room for extra stuff that we will get as gifts for our upcoming wedding.
    In the last few weddings I've been to, ppl had used "No boxed gifts please", "The bride and groom wish to chose their own gifts", and "Should you wish to honor us with a present, a Visa gift card is just devine".

    I like the idea that these couples had about getting the message out for people not to buy them presents and instead give them Cash or gift cards. I want to do the same but I don't like the wording of these phrases. I also feel pretty embarassed to ask my guests for cash.

    So what do you think I should do? Should I not say anything and let people bring what ever they like and basically get rid of them after the wedding or throw a hint that I prefer cards/cash? A registery is out of the question as we really have everything that we could wish for.

    • ANSWER:
      It isn't proper to ask for gift card or even items on your registry on the invitation. To tell your guests you expect a gift from them is rude, the invitation should not have strings attached.

      If asked you can say you prefer gift card or cash. Word of mouth through the bridal party and family is how this should be done.

      You can see if you can register for gift cards to your favorite places.

  29. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Etiquette - taking a guest?
    so, my best friend from school is getting married! soooo excited. her wedding is in another state though, not too much of a big deal but all our friends from school, I thought they were invited, but they're not. so i won't know anyone else at this wedding :S
    so anyway,she told me i could bring someone with me but i know she probably means a guy, i don't really want to take a guy cos i don't have one to take, so i wanted to take my best friend with me cos then we can spend the weekend together in this other state (and also hav fun with the boys at the wedding too, haha)
    is that appropriate? or should i just find a random guy to come with me?

    • ANSWER:
      She said guest. Nothing requires that guest to be a date. I've gone to weddings and other parties as a guest with my mom, sister, best friend, etc.. The important thing is that you have a good time at your friend's wedding and help her celebrate the happy day! Besides, I've been to too many weddings where EVERYONE was related and I'll tell you, you don't want to dance to certain music with your brother! As long as you don't go crazy (knocking down the cake, kissing a married man, drunk dj-ing, etc...) it should be a fun weekend all around!

  30. QUESTION:
    Help with wedding invitation etiquette:GIFT REGISTRY!?
    I've read that including a gift registry card with your wedding invitations is tacky. We're getting married in Vegas, and I am not having a reception. I'm afraid my relatives and friends will buy us stuff we already have.....we have everything we'll ever need, we'll be mainly asking for stuff we want but still reasonable to request.

    Do you think having a gift registry card with my invitations is tacky, or do you think it's logical to prevent people from buying us stuff we don't need? ((I need honest opinions here, I hardly see my family so they'll buy us stuff or send us money reguardless to make themselves feel less guilty))
    I have to add that none of my family members talk to eachother, so spreading it via "word of mouth" would be impossible since they hate eachother.

    • ANSWER:
      Do not include the cards in the invite. Tell as many people where you are registered as you can, and let them spread the word.

  31. QUESTION:
    Question regarding wedding invitation etiquette?
    I don't want to assume ...

    Someone in my fiance's side of the family is getting married. We were invited to her engagement party via e-mail (short notice) and they sent us back a "thank you" card for our gift in the mail. However, her wedding is scheduled to be next month. We haven't received an invitaiton BUT my fiance's family received one. It was addressed as follows:

    To Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Family.

    Do I assume that this includes us? Note - My fiance and I live in our own apartment and they obviously have our mailing address. :-| *confused*

    • ANSWER:
      Your fiance's parents should call and clarify. By putting "and family" instead of specifying names, the bride and groom can be opening themselves up to major guest issues.

      If you are indeed invited, you and your fiance should have gotten your own invitation.

  32. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation etiquette-can married last name initial be used?
    I have invitations that I am ready to order and love. However, the invite sample currently has my future husbands last names initial on it. It looks fantastic, but i have heard from someone not to use my future married last name initial on the invites. I have only read not to use the entire married monogram, so I am a bit confused. I just want to use his last initial-and the invite will look very odd without it. If anyone can provide me with a source of this-that would be great!
    I think I have been misunderstood a bit. Our invites our old school style, as my parents are paying for the entire thing. So they are formal with our full names on them, full unmarried names.However, we have a "belly band" around the entire invitation suite-with both our first names, with his last initial in between. I am just curious about this initial, it is a design element not on the actual invitation.

    • ANSWER:
      I understand what you are talking about, and I personally think that would be great! Why wouldn't you use it? Your full unmarried name is printed inside, so it should be fine. Good luck with your wedding and I'm sure those invites would be beautiful!

  33. QUESTION:
    wedding invitation etiquette...addressing.
    This is a ten yr couple that are not married...both have been married before and neither is a widow or er.

    Mr. John Smith & Mrs. Jane Johnson
    999 Thier Street
    New York, NY 90091

    or what ever...is that right how I address the man first and then the woman with both their proper name??? thanks ppl!!!
    dang dang!! okay I will get her as Ms.!!! Thanks everyone!!! lol I hate this part of it!! who even has etiquette anymore?!?!?!

    • ANSWER:
      I feel most wedding etiquette is total bs. But yes, that sounds correct.
      She may prefer Ms. as she is not married to Mr. Johnson anymore.

  34. QUESTION:
    WRONG SECTION ... BUT MOM's know best! Wedding Invitation Etiquette?
    Our situation is different the most couples getting married - long story short we are not doing a bridal registry because we already have a home and everything in it, inlcuding two kiddos. So as our "registry" we are asking for donations to our "New Bedroom Fund". We just purchased another home and bought ourselves some new bedroom furniture. To help recover the costs of that we want a polite way to ask for good ole' cash!

    I was thinking ...... "Monetary Gifts are greatly appreciated"
    My mom was thinking "We want to buy a bed to rest our newlywed heads so a monetary gift is preferred" OR something to that effect.

    I WILL MAKE IT CLEAR THAT WE ARE NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE AND WE ARE NOT TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE GIVE US ANYTHING.

    Please give me some suggestions on how we should incorporate this into our invites!

    • ANSWER:
      I read an article awhile back about a family doing something like this for their first child. It was a baby shower yet like you they really didn't need a whole lot. So the mom to be wanted to ask for money for her child for college, first car or something like that in the future.

      The article showed a few different points of view which is why I remember it. I thought it was unique to show different points of view.

      The FIRST - The invites had the info for the baby shower & instead of gifts donations at the door for their future child. Then at the entrance they had a large piggy bank decorated with a little sign that set "Feed the pig" or something like that. I have actually been to a few baby showers like this.

      The SECOND - Only invite very close family & friends who understand what you are asking for. This would prevent friends & co workers from feeling awkward.

      Unknown to me my mother in law planned one like the second for my first baby shower. She had the whole church involved. I was newly married and hardly knew anyone there. During the shower they passed around a large bank and each person put in money for our daughter.

      Try to figure out which situation works well for you. You know who you are inviting too so you may be able to scale their reactions.

      I know my sister, mom & some other member on my side of the family would say it is rude to do this & selfish. Yet my inlaws & some other friends would see it as just fine if the people knew ahead of time.

      Wish I could remember the article & what it was from.

  35. QUESTION:
    Is my wedding invitation using proper etiquette?
    Here is a sample of my invitation wording:

    Asking the blessing of God
    Ms. Janie McKneely Simpson (BRIDES' MOTHER - DIVORCED)
    Mr. John Smith (BRIDES' FATHER - DIVORCED)
    Mr. and Mrs. Fred Johnson (GROOM'S PARENTS - MARRIED)
    request the honour of your presence
    at the nuptials uniting their children
    Catherine Elizabeth Smith
    and
    Joseph Johnson
    in the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony
    on Saturday, the third of November
    Two thousand and seven
    at one o’clock in the afternoon

    St. George Roman Catholic Church
    1400 Clegg Road
    Natchitoches, Louisiana

    Is it correct to list bride's mother first if the parents are divorced? Please let me know if the etiquette rules are being followed.
    The parenthesis behind parents' names will not be on the invitation, I just wanted to point out their role for etiquette purposes. Sorry for the confusion!

    • ANSWER:
      Keeping your divorced Mother and Father's names seperate is correct! And yes, your Mother's name should go first.

      You need to spell out SAINT, it should not be abbreviated (St).
      If the Groom has a middle name it should be included and spelled out (like yours, Catherine Elizabeth).

      Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

  36. QUESTION:
    What is the modern etiquette on wedding invitation envelopes?
    I have checked many different websites and I am ok on how they address the outer envelope of a wedding invitation: Mr and Mrs. John Smith.
    The etiquette these same websites have for the inner envelope is what I am not a fan of. Most would say to put Mr. and Mrs. Smith on the first line and their kids names on the second line. I was wondering if anyone knew a new technique that engaged couples use these days. Is it ok to just state "Family and Guests" on the inner envelope? Or how about "Mr. and Mrs. Smith Family and Guests"? If the couple is unmarried, is it reasonable to address the inner envelope to their first names only, such as "Kyle and Jessica"? If anyone has some tips for me, I would really appreciate it.

    Thank you!

    • ANSWER:
      On the inner envelope, it is acceptable to be a bit less formal. If you know the people well, you can certainly use just their first names. "Kyle and Jessica" "Uncle Joe and Aunt Jane", etc.

      "Family and Guests" is too vague, as it doesn't specify which people are allowed to bring guests. That could result in a great many more people at your wedding than you anticipated. You can say:

      Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
      Katie Smith and Guest
      Joe Smith and Guest

      Good luck!

  37. QUESTION:
    Wedding etiquette / writing invitations in the Philippines, anyone?
    I'm making wedding invitation for my niece's wedding. I'm almost done w/ it and she told me that the groom's name first before the bride. I told her that in all etiquette I've read it's always the bride's name first. For ex. We, Marie Santos and
    Jeffrey Miranda request the honour of your presence....anyway both of them will be the one to shoulder the expenses.

    • ANSWER:
      i believe it is a culture thing although i dont know why.

      in the US its the bride's name first but in the philippines its the groom's name, regardless of who shoulders the expenses--although usually in the philippines its the grooms side who does.

      but in this day & age, go with whatever you see fit.

  38. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Addressing Etiquette?
    I am opting to put "and family" at the end of the mr and mrs instead of listing each childs name cause the names of everyone don't fit on the labels. My question is isn't it too many "ands" If I put:
    Mr and Mrs. Smith and Family?

    or should it be

    Mr and Mrs Smith & Family?

    Or
    Mr & Mrs Smith and Family??

    Thank you!

    • ANSWER:
      I've always thought "Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Family" looks more formal and neat then the rest. But that's just been my opinion.

  39. QUESTION:
    wedding invitation wording etiquette ?
    How do you word a wedding invitation where the bride's parents are paying for 77% of the wedding and the groom's are paying for 23%?
    the 77/23 split was not intentional, that's just what they are ending up paying.....

    do you think that having their names listed on the invitation as the following is enough?--
    mr. and mrs john doe (brides parents)
    request the honour of your presence at the wedding of their daughter
    jane doe
    to
    bob smith
    son of mr. and mrs. james smith.......

    or do you think that having both parents in the first lines are appropriate, given how much more the bride's parents are paying?

    • ANSWER:
      Mr. and Mrs. Smith (brides parents)
      request the honor of your presence
      at the marriage of their daughter
      Helen Marie
      and
      Mr. Raymond Jones
      Son of Mr. and Mrs Jones (grooms parents)

      OR

      Mr. and Mrs. Smith (brides parents)
      Along with Mr and Mrs Jones
      request the honor of your presence
      at the marriage of
      Helen Marie
      and
      Mr. Raymond Jones

  40. QUESTION:
    Distance wedding and invitation etiquette!?
    My fiance and I are in a slight bind with our wedding. We grew up in different states halfway across the country from each other and we have decided that our, though not necessarily cheapest, most enviable choice is to send his huge family to the state I grew up in and have our wedding there. This alone is likely to cost an arm and a leg so we are already trying to keep the rest of the guests on my side of the family to the bare minimum. However, although my blood family isn't huge like his, my family consisted of all the single mothers in the neighborhood. I have maintained far better friendships with most of the mothers rather than most of their children, especially a certain 2 that have had a love-hate friendship ever since I can remember. I cannot think of a polite way to invite some mothers and not their children and invite one child without her mother. Can anyone help me out? I fear, more than the cost of the wedding, these three people getting into fights because there will be alcohol at the reception. Or is there a way to limit certain guest's consumption?
    Another question: Because 1/3 of the guests will be children and most of them under 10, is it considered tacky to offer cheaper dinners at the reception such as macaroni and cheese when the wedding, although small, will be considered semi-formal?
    And another: When I said costing an arm and a leg to send his family up.. I really meant it. There are roughly 40 people in his immediate family and most cannot afford to buy plane tickets and pay for hotel rooms so we are doing as much as we can to finance all of that. We were planning on giving everyone the same amount because their families are roughly the same size, but even if it is bad etiquette to ask this, what is you opinion on asking the ones who can afford more than others to spend more than the others or have them pay for their plane tickets themselves? Side note.. these relatives are also as unenviable as the three that I don't want to invite on my side for the same reasons. But they are immediate blood family so they have to be invited.
    Thank you all!
    Seems that everyone wants to answer the only thing on here that wasn't a question - When we decided to have the wedding in my hometown we also decided that we can handle the financial burden of sending his family there (hence, my hometown is not the cheapest but most enviable destination) because we are aware that there is no way they can afford it (his family has 4 kids per sibling which is quite the burden in and of itself) and we have the means to attempt making this financial stretch - I just want to know your opinion on asking one of them to pay their own way because I think they have those means. Because family is very important to both of us, doing what we can to send his family there was not an issue. Thank you all for the answers, I appreciate it nonetheless!

    • ANSWER:
      You do not need to fly 40 people to your wedding. People expect expenses like that, and if they can't afford to come, it won't be the end of the world for anyone.

      You cannot limit certain guests' alcohol consumption.

      Children's plates are very common. Typical would be under 12, but your caterer should have a policy on that.

      In regards to your friends and their mothers, invite who you want. This is the 1 place where its okay to say, "Its your wedding." Normally, I hate that expression because being a bride does not mean you can throw kindness to the wind. However, in this case its fine.

  41. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Address Etiquette?
    I am addressing a husband and wife. The Wife is a pharmacist (PharmD degree), which is technically a professional title. Do I list her name before her husbands? Do I give her the title Dr.? I have read that unless they are Doctors of Osteopathic Medicine (DO) or Medical Doctors (MD), they are not titled Dr. on the invitation.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated! 1) does she come before her husbands name, and 2) do I acknowledge her title in any way?

    Thanks!!

    • ANSWER:
      If they are physicians (MD or DO), they may use their title socially. Ph.D., etc. are not used socially.

      Also, "Mr. John and Mrs. Jackie Smith" is absolutely NOT correct. Just sayin'. It would be "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" or "Mr. John Smith," next line "Ms. Jackie Smith." The title Mrs. is never correctly used with a woman's first name (although the rule is widely ignored).

  42. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation address etiquette... help!?
    I'm trying to address my wedding invitations and I realized that one of the addresses I was given just says #1L where the apartment number would be. This address is in NYC, so I don't know if I should put "apartment" or write out "number", because i dont know if this makes a difference there. HELP!

    • ANSWER:

  43. QUESTION:
    When a single male received a wedding invitation, can he bring a date?
    I always thought that when a single female receives a wedding invitation, she can RSVP and bring an escort. But a single male must RSVP as a 'stag' Am I correct according to proper wedding etiquette.

    • ANSWER:
      whether you're male or female, you can only bring a date if the invitation is addressed to you 'and guest'. if the bride and groom addressed the invitation to you only, then you have to go stag. it's VERY gauche for you to bring a date who's not invited, there are seating and budget concerns to think of.

  44. QUESTION:
    On Chinese wedding invitation, what's the etiquette for listing grandparents' names?
    If the bride's father is no longer living, does she still need to list her paternal grandmother (still living) on the invitation? (feng4 ci2) in front of her mother's name?

    • ANSWER:
      what is listed on the invitation is:

      1. dates
      2. birth order and names of groom and bride
      3. names of hosts or co-hosts of the wedding
      4. indication of grandparents of groom and bride
      5. venue and time

      so, yes, even though the bride's father is no longer living, her grandparents, if still alive, must be listed.

      http://www.chinese-wedding-guide.com/chinese-wedding-invitations-wording.html

  45. QUESTION:
    Wedding etiquette. No invitation ever received... Do I send gift?
    I have a bizarre and broken family. Mostly due to drugs, lies, etc. My eldest sister and I have not spoken in many years. About a year ago I got an email from my sister's daughter. She asked for my address and whatnot and spoke to me. I told her my cutting of family ties on her end had NOTHING to do with her, but since there was some bad blood I opted not to make things worse by trying to maintain contact with my sisters children. ( I was accused of email stalking and bizarre things from my sister.. so to prevent that accusation, I deleted and changed my phone, contact info and blocked family on networking sites. ) She said she totally understood and wanted to invite me and my hubby to her wedding which was happening in Oct 2010.

    Last month she emailed me and asked if I got my invitation... which I did not. I told her no, gave her the address and waited. No invitation. which was fine in my book... bizarre behavior from family with most addicted to highly controlled substances..

    Today on Facebook I saw photos of her wedding etc.. I do not feel compelled to send a gift.... is this rude on my behalf??

    • ANSWER:
      It's not at all rude, it sounds like it would be a nice gesture though.

  46. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitations etiquette?
    My best friend is my maid of honor in my wedding. Her boyfriend/soon-to-be fiance is a good friend of my fiance and I. Do I send an invitation to him or do I just assume that he will be there as my maid of honor's date?

    • ANSWER:
      Everyone who is invited should receive an invitation – This includes your maid of honour’s boyfriend. In fact, your maid of honour (and the rest of the bridal party) should also receive invitations. Finally, don’t overlook your parents – They should also be receiving invites.

  47. QUESTION:
    Etiquette Question: Should a map be provided in a wedding invitation when the church is in a small rural com-?
    munity or do we just assume every one uses GPS these days?

    • ANSWER:
      It would be most helpful. Not everyone has a GPS and some out-of-towners may not travel with theirs.
      GPS systems are not infallible, esp. to places that are off the beaten track.

  48. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation/Reception Etiquette???
    We are getting married in January. We are having an open ceremony and a private "family only" reception after wards. How can I word our invitations so people don't feel left out? I want to invite all my friends and family but we only want our family to celebrate with a dinner.
    I suppose I should add, that we want to have like a reception BBQ towards the end of July or in August to celebrate our wedding. BUT my fiance is also in the military and chances of deployment for him for next year are VERY high.

    • ANSWER:
      insert a reception card in the invitation package for family members.

  49. QUESTION:
    Wedding Invitation Wording Etiquette?
    Our situation is different the most couples getting married - long story short we are not doing a bridal registry because we already have a home and everything in it. So as our "registry" we are asking for donations to our "New Bedroom Fund". We just purchased another home and bought ourselves some new bedroom furniture. To help recover the costs of that we want a polite way to ask for good ole' cash!

    I was thinking ...... "Monetary Gifts are greatly appreciated"
    My mom was thinking "We want to buy a bed to rest our newlywed heads so a monetary gift is preferred" OR something to that effect.

    I WILL MAKE IT CLEAR THAT WE ARE NOT TRYING TO BE RUDE AND WE ARE NOT TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE GIVE US ANYTHING.

    Please give me some suggestions on how we should incorporate this into our invites!
    Sure - my 8 year old brother can tell all his friends.....We also are not having a wedding party because the best man is serving in Afghanistan.

    • ANSWER:
      Mentioning any gifts at all in an invitation is always poor etiquette. If you don't register anywhere, you will most likely get monetary gifts from most people anyway.

  50. QUESTION:
    Wedding invitation wording and etiquette?
    Ok, so I'm a bit confused and need some help. I'm doing up my wedding invitations and understand that when you send out an invitation to a couple, the woman's name appears first (on the invitation).

    So what happens if the invitee is your brother, who is unmarried, but has a long-term girlfriend? Does her name still have to come first?

    And then what if your brother is married, do you have to put his wife's name first? That seems a bit rude, doesn't it? Putting her first when he is your blood relative?

    Any answers, suggestions, thoughts would be welcomed.

    Thanks in advance.

    • ANSWER:
      With married couples, use the woman's name first IF you're using the first names of both parties. If you use the conventional "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith" style, the issue won't come up at all, because you're only using the man's name. (Nowadays this can be seen as sexist; also, with many women keeping their own names after they marry, this won't always be practical.

      Your invitation to your married brother will list your sister-in-law first OR list the couple as "Mr. and Mrs." That's not rude; in fact, to ignore a long-held convention because your sister-in-law is not a "blood" relative would be rude, since exceptions for blood don't and never have entered into this convention.

      Your invitation to your unmarried brother is a different story. If your brother and his girlfriend live together, you're inviting them as a unit and her name needs to come first. If they do NOT live together, you're inviting him primarily and inviting her as his specific guest. Since the invitation would be going to his address, you'd put his name first.

      Hope this helps.

      EDIT: Wow, your unmarried brother would NOT get an invitation to him "and Guest." No, no, no, NO! "And Guest" is only for those guests NOT in long-term relationships, since you don't know the names of their possible dates. When you know EXACTLY whom a guest is bringing, to not include the name of that person is EXTREMELY rude.


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